Chapter 1: Who do you think you are?

Hello reader

So here is the first (and possibly last) tale of my journey through this weird world.

As I mentioned in my introduction, I go to college for Computer Science. Computer Science, traditionally, is a male-heavy program, and so my classmates are almost all male (there's one or two women remaining after the first semester weeded out the uncommitted stragglers). Now, being a human being, I found a few of my classmates sexually attractive. Once I found out the majority of them actually had girlfriends (yes, even nerds get laid on a regular basis sometimes) I backed off (yes, I have a boyfriend, but I can still look, so long as I don't touch, and I only looked!), but one classmate in particular continues to intrigue me.

While I don't actually have a "type", this guy seems to fit the bill for most of the things I find desirable in a man: sly sense of humour; tattoos; wild, thick hair; reasonably kept facial hair; highly intelligent; tall; lanky; Mediterranean descent; soft skin; doesn't live with his parents/family; free-spirited and open-minded; geek. And he has awesome taste in movies and music, to boot.

I have recurring dreams about this guy (mainly of a sexual nature, especially recently). My attraction to him waxes and wanes; I tried to keep things on a platonic level with him. We even stayed late at school together one night, just he and I, working on a project for one of our classes. I had inklings of sexually-related thoughts in my head all the while, but never attempted to put any moves on him; I AM dating someone else, after all, and my boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship. I barely know anything about this guy, anyway, but continue to fantasize about him so much that it distracts me from doing my coursework.

Last night, in a particularly sleep-deprived and sexually-charged state of mind, I sent him a message telling him how attractive I find him. Then tried to play it down, saying that I was "baked" (I have a reputation amongst my classmates as being a pot-head, which is true for the most part).

Part of me hopes that the feeling is mutual, but I don't want to jeopardize my nearly-3-year relationship (with another 3 years of friendship backing it up) with my boyfriend, and I also don't want to jeopardize the group this guy and I study with, as I want to maintain the structural integrity of the study group without throwing sexual tension into the mix (this happened previously with another one of my classmates; nothing ever came out of it, thankfully). I also don't want to ruin the ever-growing friendship I have with this guy, because, well, he's a nice guy; I just happen to think he's the hottest man in the known universe right now and my brain won't shut up about it.

I'll eventually get over it, as I usually do, when my mania dies down. Hopefully nothing bad will come of this (foreshadowing? geez, I hope not!).

-le admiral