Introduction

Hello Reader

My name, for the purposes of this blog, isn't that important; I'd prefer to stay as anonymous as possible (seeing as how this is linked to my Gmail account, it will become obvious to some who I really am).

What I WILL tell you is that I am a 20-something-year-old female Computer Science student at my local college. And I have, among other mental issues, bipolar disorder.

I will probably update this blog most often during the manic part of the bipolar cycle (that's when my life is most 'interesting', anyway) so any return reader need not be alarmed by lengthy periods between blog entries, as is the nature of the mood cycle.

Obviously, I am in a manic part right now. Hence this post. And hence why it will seem a little disjointed (return readers will get used to it, I'm sure).

Other things I choose to reveal to the reader at this point: I have ADHD (diagnosed within the last 5 years) and am a high-functioning autistic. So high-functioning, in fact, that many people (including my boyfriend) have trouble believing it. Which is fine; they can call me a bitch and an asshole all they want. But at least I know not to do whatever upset them ever again.

I also have self-esteem issues (a blogger with self-esteem issues? what are the chances?) and body image issues. The body image issues stem from my weird weight journey: in high school, I weighed 90 lbs.; within 5 years, I ballooned to 240 lbs. (mainly due to medication to treat the bipolar illness); I then lost 120 lbs. in a year and a half, and now my body has decided that 130 lbs. is the right weight for me. I am nowhere near being overweight for my height at this point, but I do take issue with the mass of loose skin around my upper arms, thighs and abdomen (where the majority of my excess weight was carried). My boyfriend insists I am sexier than ever, but my brain tells me I'm fat and disgusting (hmm... I'm such a woman sometimes!).

About my boyfriend: he will not be named either (nor anyone else, for that matter, during the course of my running this blog). He is 30-something years old, and we met several years ago at one of my many attempts at post-secondary education. The only reason we didn't start dating when we met was because he was dating someone else at the time. Nearly 3 years ago, his then-girlfriend left him suddenly, and, considering him my best friend, swooped in to help him pick up the pieces. We both admitted there were latent romantic feelings on both parts, and ended up cementing a romantic relationship some time afterwards. He will get frustrated with me some days because of my mental illnesses (he says it's "like looking in a mirror"), but I consider him to be the love of my life, and I believe he may feel the same way about me.

That's it for the introduction; it's time for the first actual post of this blog!

-le admiral